Bizarre search engine terms – 2017 edition

I don’t normally pay a lot of attention to the statistics for this blog, to be honest, but roughly once a year, I like to take a peek through and see what crazy search engine terms people have used to get to the site. Here’s a selection…

jnrinxs

I love the idea of a junior version of INXS. Perhaps you’re thinking of Michael Hutchence‘s daughter, whom UK tabloid The Daily Racist seem to have been obsessed with for some time, disturbingly describing her as “remarkably beautiful” when she was just fifteen.

Thanks, by the way – I just lost comfortably half an hour Wikisurfing about the sad tales of Paula Yates and her family.

robin hood trevor horns

You might be thinking of Batman, who’s a similar sort of historical character I believe. Trevor Horns produced Seal‘s Kiss from a Rose in 1994.

have madness rever won a brit award

Astonishingly, they rever haven’t – they have three nominations to their name, but that’s it. Check out my list of BRIT Award Losers here.

royksopp the understanding rubbish

Definitely not. Royksopp the understanding quite exceptional.

fascinating facts about the brit awards

That’s a subjective term, but I found these pretty fascinating. And these. And also these.

alison moyet cat deeley forum

This sounds like a great event, which all of us should thing about attending. The closest I can find is that time someone pretended to be Alison Moyet on Stars in Their Eyes.

1990 brit awards who returned awards

That would be Fine Young Cannibals that you’re thinking of. Because nobody really liked Margaret Thatcher.

smashie and nicey shamen

No idea about this one. I’m assuming it’s a clip which may or may not exist, but if you do manage to find anything, please share it with the rest of the class.

trevor pinnock songs of the auvergne

In an extreme moment of self-doubt, I actually searched this blog to find out what that takes you to. The answer lies in the 1984 BRIT Awards!

Well that was fun, wasn’t it? See also: the 20162015, 2014, and 2013 editions.

Bizarre search engine terms – 2016 edition

About once a year, I like to take a look at the search engine terms that have brought people to this site, including the many that make me chuckle. Here are some recent highlights:

james blake elbow arctic monkeys pulp m people badly drawn boy

Are indeed all artists that have been mentioned previously on this blog. See here, here, here, here, here, and here.

henry jackman mr selfridge

IMDB is probably your best place for queries like this, and “no, he wasn’t,” is probably the answer to your question.

davina mccall breast british male award

I’ve looked again, and I don’t think Davina McCall has ever presented the Breast British Male Award at the BRITs, although she did present the entire ceremony in 2000 and 2003.

what is the trevor howard movie used in the robson green video of unchained melody

Inexplicably, my tag for Wham! comes first on Google when you search for this. The short answer, I’m afraid, is that I’ve no idea, but again IMDB might be a good place to start searching.

terence trent d’arby paula yates affair / paul..yates had affair with tereence trent derby

It’s a rumour that seems to pop up all over the internet, but it isn’t honestly something I could care less about. You can learn more about Terence here, and Paula here, and they did turn up together on the first B.E.F. album, reviewed here.

cloud nothings

It’s impressive that I would turn up on your search results, as I’ve only mentioned them once, and even then only in passing. Try their official website instead.

“divine fits”

See above! Their website is here.

everyone using autotune

I don’t have a list unfortunately, but you can read my thoughts on the subject here, and you can also learn how to get rid of the autotune effect but leave it on here.

rachel riley cribs

When I started researching this, I was thinking that I don’t think she has ever been on Cribs – she would certainly be an unlikely candidate. But then I discovered I have written about her before, when she presented the Q Spirit of Independence award to The Cribs in 2012. So there’s your answer!

erasure split up

Definitely not – you can read about their latest album The Violet Flame here.

If you want to see more, here are the 2015, 2014, and 2013 editions.

B.E.F. – 1981-2011

It seems strange writing a review of something that in some cases is thirty years old, but this is a fully remastered reissue, and that’s how it has earned its place on these pages. Also, B.E.F., or the British Electric Foundation are back now with their third collection, which seems a good time to look back at what they did previously.

For the uninintiated, B.E.F. are pretty much the same people as Heaven 17, a side-project which came about around the time that The Human League imploded in 1980. They’re also responsible for the name of this very blog Music for stowaways, for reasons which are unlikely to ever become clear.

The beautiful box set 1981-2011 is pretty comprehensive, bringing together almost all of their output from the thirty year period. You get three CDs – Music of Quality and Distinction: Volume 1Music of Quality and Distinction: Volume 2; and a collection of oddities entitled Music from Stowaways to Dark.

The first disc consists of the original Music of Quality and Distinction: Volume 1 album (1981) and some bonus rarities. It opens with Ball of Confusion featuring Tina Turner. Apparently, the only safe place to live is on an Indian reservation. It’s one of the better tracks on the album, although I’m not the world’s biggest Tina Turner fan, and as with much of Heaven 17‘s work it hasn’t aged especially well.

The original Music of Quality and Distinction is an album which I’d probably consider important rather than actually good, and this is highlighted by some of its less enjoyable moments, such as Billy Mackenzie wailing all over the place on The Secret Life of Arabia and then again at the end on It’s Over, and Paula Yates making a total mess of the frankly awful These Boots Are Made for Walking.

The less dreadful moments are generally listenable, such as Paul Jones‘s version of There’s a Ghost in My House, although the sound is distinctly odd – I’ve not heard the un-remastered version, but listening to this version I don’t even want to think about how the previous CD releases must have sounded.

Spectacularly vomit-inducing is Gary Glitter‘s appearance on Suspicious Minds. Obviously we can’t just wipe him from history, but it is hard to listen to this without wandering how much money he’s just made from your purchase of the album. On the plus side, it’s largely unlistenable.

Side B of the original album sees a general upturn in quality, with Bernie Nolan‘s take of You Keep Me Hanging On and Sandie Shaw‘s pleasant version of Anyone Who Had a Heart. The high-points of the album, though, are both of Glenn Gregory‘s tracks. By the time this came out, he had already appeared as the vocalist on Heaven 17‘s debut album Penthouse and Pavement, and they were clearly rather more comfortable recording with him than with any of his contemporaries.

Wichita Lineman is a pleasant electronic-soul take on the original, with backing not unlike the Music for Stowaways cassette which had appeared the previous year, and Perfect Day, which must by law be included on all cover version albums, is a great version of a great song. The first volume is then closed out by seven “backing tracks” (largely instrumental versions, occasionally with a few changes here and there), which are often better than the originals without the intervention of the less good vocalists.

Having worked through all of that, the second volume of Music of Quality and Distinction is rather more of a pleasure to listen to. B.E.F. returned nearly ten years later in 1991 with Volume 2, which is this time tempered by the sounds of the early 90s, as you might expect. It opens with the brilliant Chaka Khan on an atmospheric take of Someday We’ll All Be Free, and this is smoothly followed by Lalah Hathaway performing Family Affair. The best track on Side A is Early on the Morning, performed by Richard Darbyshire, and this is followed by the distinctly better return of Billy Mackenzie for Free.

The second volume is not without its low points. It’s Alright Ma, I’m Only Bleeding may have effectively launched the career of Terence Trent d’Arby, but it’s not great, and neither are A Song for You by Mavis Staples or Billy Preston‘s Try a Little Tenderness.

But for the most part, this is a pretty good album. In particular the moment halfway through I Don’t Know Why I Love You (vocals by Green Gartside) where it morphs into The Robots by Kraftwerk is pretty masterful. Tina Turner‘s return for A Change is Gonna Come is good too, as is Ghida de Palma‘s version of Feel Like Makin’ Love. The final track, Billy Preston‘s version of In My Life, is another of the best tracks on the album.

The bonus tracks for this album are equally pointless – you get a couple of acapella versions, an instrumental, an alternative version, and a version of I Don’t Know Why I Love You with a bit less of the electro middle eight. But in general the second volume is very strong.

The same cannot really be said for the third. Curiously titled Music from Stowaways to Dark, it essentially brings together the tracks from their early Music for Stowaways cassette with a couple of early demos from Volume 2 and the then-forthcoming Volume 3.

Unfortunately, much as I love the title and concept, the original Music for Stowaways is, frankly, pretty awful. Highlights are Wipe the Board Clean and The Old at Rest, as well as Honeymoon in New York which wasn’t on the cassette version, but the openers Optimum Chant and Uptown Apocalypse are dreadful, as is Rise of the EastGroove Thang, an alternative version of (We Don’t Need This) Fascist from Penthouse and Pavement, frankly just makes a mockery of the whole thing.

In fact, I’d possibly go as far as to say that the only good track on the album is the B.E.F. Ident which closes it. But then you get the three Work-in-Progress mixes which close the album – two apparently unfinished 1992 tracks, and one from the forthcoming album.

First up is Trade Winds, with a vocal by Mavis Staples, which is entirely pleasant, as is Co-Pilot to Pilot by Kelly Barnes, even if it does contain the word(s) “fiddle-dee-dee”, and the latter seems to have made such an impression on the artists that it now appears on the third full album Dark. Finally, you get an early version of Smalltown Boy starring Billie Godfrey, which is suitably excellent, and the box set is finally over.

Grab the CD or download version of the box set from Amazon if you’re in the UK or your local retailers if that’s where you’re at.